Thursday, February 21, 2008

Jaguar Etiquette

Having just spoken about relationships/friendships with our church youth group, I was amused to read a short article about proper dating etiquette for Jaguar owners. The author seems to think that owning a Jaguar will increase the odds of winning a woman, but admits that poor manners will ruin it for even such "classy" people. I don't agree with all of his opinions, but he certainly makes learning etiquette a humorous experience.
If you already own a Jaguar, you know that there is no other car -- at any price -- that makes a better impression on the ladies. ... If you feel the proper way to pick up a lady is to pull up in the road outside and honk the horn, please trade in your Jaguar on something from Detroit and save the rest of us Jaguar owners the effort of undoing the damage you do. ...

As the lady steps into, or out of, your Jaguar, you must offer her your hand. This is one of the most difficult and demanding steps you must take if you are to maintain the Jaguar image. To do this properly, you must hold your hand firmly in a stationary position, allowing the lady to apply as much or as little weight to that hand as she finds necessary. The hand must not move. Do not push the lady in or yank her out of the car. All the while, you must convey the image that she is as light as a feather. When she is applying weight to your hand, if you grunt loudly or exclaim "[Man alive!] what a hippo you are!", you are not likely to win any points. Gritting your teeth or obviously replanting your feet are not wise either.

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